I always thought that "nowhere" was a vague,
undefined concept. The juxtaposition of
the two words "no" and "where" pretty clearly implies that
a "where", i.e. a specific
place, can not be determined. My
earliest remembered usage was when my father asked me on some occasions where
I'd been and my reply was "nowhere". I also remember reading an
article that contained a line referring to our most famed female aviator, the
gist of which was "Amelia Earhart went on a flight to nowhere and her
plane has never been found." And
then there's the "he's punching a one-way ticket to nowhere-ville"
line that is commonly directed at the aimless ne'er do well, at least one of
which we've all known. In all these
usages, it is plainly evident that no there is specific place related to the
word nowhere.
Imagine my surprise then when several weeks ago the explicit
location of nowhere was revealed on TV.
No, it wasn't on the Science or National Geographic channels. And it wasn't Steven Hawking providing the
answer to this long-pondered riddle. No, to my amazement, the answer was
provided by Dan Fouts, former all Pro quarterback for the San Diego Chargers,
on a nationally televised NFL Sunday game. A wide receiver had caught a pass
behind the cornerback and was on his way to the goal line. The safety for the
defense, who had correctly diagnosed the intent of the play from the get-go,
reached out and poked the ball away from the ball carrier. It was subsequently
recovered by the defense. On the slow motion replay, Mr Fouts proclaimed with
great enthusiasm - "the safety came out of NOWHERE and caused the
turnover". Who knew that nowhere would turn out to be a place so close to the action focal point. So it's logical to conclude that the location of
nowhere is a position of proximity (less than 5 yards in this case) by one
body, in relation to another similar body, and also behind that body.
This definition is supported by a subsequent reference to
"nowhere" I heard in a replay of a 1990s playoff game featuring the Chicago Bulls
vs. the NY Knicks. In this example, the Knicks' John Starks had achieved
penetration to the basket and attempted a short floater. Shadowing Starks was the incomparable
Michael Jordan, unbeknownst to the enterprising Knick. Starks' attempt was
swatted into the 7th row shortly after it left his hand by the NBA's best
ever. The color analyst on the
broadcast, whose name I can't conjure up at the moment, lamented that Jordan
had come out of NOWHERE to dash the hopes
Knicks' fans had for an easy bucket.
Jordan was slightly closer to the offensive player than the safety had
been in my prior example but the locations are still very similar.
I must admit that my elation at solving this riddle is tempered
by the fact that the mystery has been removed from the term. Yet I can take
solace in the promise this revelation carries with it. After all, it could lead
to finding out where Miss Earhart's plane wound up. I suppose someone could now figure out where I had been prior to
avoiding my father's inquiries regarding my whereabouts as well. I doubt, however, that anyone would be
interested in locating nowhere-ville.
After all, who wants to hang out with a bunch of lazy people going to,
uh, some unspecified, unrewarding place.
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